The Second Assembly (a satire)

The Second Assembly (a satire) Our sheikh, the Ape, father of whispered temptation, told us; and Abu Shahma of Kufa told us; and Abu Zafir told us; and the master of sneaking whispers, the accursed one, chief of pharaohs and king of devils, meanest of creatures and lowest of servants, deceit clad Satan, the curse of God upon him, said: whoever forsakes women and takes to boys and searches out his brothers will be gathered on Judgment Day alongside Pharaoh and Haman. He lied, that enemy of God, and you are among the liars. It is a false report, a limp fabrication with a rotten chain of authority, from that leader of the army of error and lord of the country of ignorance, the guide of the outcast and model of the rejected, that fruit of the tree of wretchedness and that center of the circle of seduction, whose name resounds throughout the world with reproach and whose star the horizons curse; so that no stir may arise from the geometry of his temptation, and no trouble and quarrel may mix together. The sleeve of his robe of wretchedness bears this embroidery: 'The curse is upon you until the Day of Judgment.' The heading of his letter of damnation carries this seal: 'You are among those granted respite.' The royal cipher of his error is this: 'Rouse whomever you can of them with your voice.' The image of his beauty and slyness has this hue: 'Bring your cavalry and infantry against them.' This accursed report is narrated from that catamite sheikh: that every cowardly, ill-starred man who abandons keeping company with women, washes his hands of loving them, avoids their intimacy, and flees from endless coupling with them, and instead prowls around the fortress and stronghold of boys, driving the bead pin hard into their rears, and gives the benefit of himself to his Muslim brothers, such a man the king will fittingly, on the Day of Reckoning, muster together with Pharaoh and Haman. My dear, beware of treating this report as mere metaphor, or taking this counsel as a joke; welcome these words from the depths of your soul, apply this rod with all its display in true sincerity, plant your horn in the drum of boys and grip your beard in their fists, so that you fall under this address: 'Whoever does that has suffered a great loss.' O sir, rub yourself for a few days at the feet of male whores, but if you circle their groins you will find nothing but stinging thorns, and if you crawl the length of their ditch you will see nothing but biting snakes. Set the hand of resolve on the belt of the physicians' drum and step out seeking them, so that one day some of that stinking rear may reach your beard and mustache. Open at last the eye of instruction and see what shape your death colored rod has: it is a stub whose mold is a felt lump. Had it been made for the vulvas of women, its shape should have been an axe. Question: Master of rumbling ruckus, what wisdom is there in this, that coupling from the boys' corner is sweeter than from women's parts? Answer: You accursed babbler, you have brought a fine question and a most delightful tale. You wretch, don't you know that water in a well at the foot of a minaret is sweeter than water beside a sewer? Abu Nasnas the sodomite always gave his people this counsel: O boys, take your share of something you will not find in paradise; and the truth is, this is the craft of the clever and the way of the wise: That mine of the rear is the choice of the world's clever men, a school full of profit and a most exalted craft. Whoever, like Abu Nawas, sets himself to sodomy, is freed from the grief of expenses and the pain of running a household. When would a true man crawl for anything but a silvery rear? Whom shall I tell? True men are rare in this world. I am the slave of one whose trade is eating porridge, whose profession is cutting noodles, whose craft is offering his rear, whose work is swallowing beads, so that afterward his wife and children may reap the reward. As it is told, there was a sodomite whom no child escaped from the blow of his weapon nor was saved from the wound of his rod. When he died he left a handsome son who did in a single day what his father had done in a year. He was asked: 'Your father was an active partner and you are the passive one; how is it your father was drawn to rears and you to the male member, he to being on top and you to being underneath?' He said: 'I am paying my father's debt and keeping his pledge.' If a man comes through and honors his pledge, he turns out to be more than anything you would have imagined. A worthy son is one who settles his father's debt and leaves him under no burden of loans. If you want your debauchery to reach the star Capella by catapult and the wave of your depravity to sweep past the porch of Saturn, lay your chest on the dust and come under the rod. A man, in the tug and pull of fate, must be the lower millstone. So that he may fit this address: 'For them is the curse, and for them the evil abode.' Companions of the block, hear my counsel, though the tree of my advice yields nothing but scandal. Even if all the world's asses climb onto your backs, be truer with every moment. Whether you are a slave or a trickster of the block, be without name or honor: let the member charge you like a galloping lion until you reach a point where, even if you fart and struggle for seventy years, it will do no good until you let go of yourself. Even if you were Rustam son of Dastan, of Kai Qubad's line, don't act so that you die without having been coupled. And even if you had all the world's cunning, by my member, you will not get free without being taken.